A little Adult Humor » Page 12 » QUADCRAZY ATV Community Forum

Stoopidbot1 · 04-23-2008, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mywifeknowseverythin

Have you been to Rocky Point? It use to be cool, dunes and dirt everywhere. Now it is all hotels and resorts, very limited riding now. I used to do a big race down there once a year.

mywifeknowseverythin · 04-30-2008, 10:16 AM

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked.

'Hunting Flies'
He responded.

'Oh. ! Killing any?'
She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

mywifeknowseverythin · 04-30-2008, 10:17 AM

One morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides
to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads
her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning,
Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that
obvious?)

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment.

"I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual
assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment.

For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely
she can also think.

mywifeknowseverythin · 04-30-2008, 10:18 AM

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?'

The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?' We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.'

mywifeknowseverythin · 04-30-2008, 10:18 AM

mywifeknowseverythin · 04-30-2008, 10:20 AM

Guiness World Record For Largest Breast Implants Is Held By..

World's Biggest Breast Implants, Augmentation The Guiness World Record for largest augmented breasts is held by model, stripper, and adult film star Maxi Mounds, whose measurements are 42M-26-36 and whose breasts weight 20 pounds each. Maxi Mounds has an under breast measurement of 36 inches (91.44 cm) and an around chest-over-nipple measurement of 60.5 in (153.67 cm). Maxi’s breasts were augmented with string breast implants (polypropylene breast implants), which are implants that continue to grow after being implanted in the patient. Typically used by women who want to grow their breasts to a monstrous size, the implants are made of polypropylene which is a synthetic material that expands upon absorbing fluid in the body. String breast implants are typically used only by women in the adult industry and are not FDA approved and not available in the United States.

fox300exchic · 04-30-2008, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mywifeknowseverythin

fox300exchic · 04-30-2008, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mywifeknowseverythin

Guiness World Record For Largest Breast Implants Is Held By..

World's Biggest Breast Implants, Augmentation The Guiness World Record for largest augmented breasts is held by model, stripper, and adult film star Maxi Mounds, whose measurements are 42M-26-36 and whose breasts weight 20 pounds each. Maxi Mounds has an under breast measurement of 36 inches (91.44 cm) and an around chest-over-nipple measurement of 60.5 in (153.67 cm). Maxi’s breasts were augmented with string breast implants (polypropylene breast implants), which are implants that continue to grow after being implanted in the patient. Typically used by women who want to grow their breasts to a monstrous size, the implants are made of polypropylene which is a synthetic material that expands upon absorbing fluid in the body. String breast implants are typically used only by women in the adult industry and are not FDA approved and not available in the United States.

Eww!

mywifeknowseverythin · 04-30-2008, 06:06 PM

'DON'T FART IN BED'

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you!!!
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waist band of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, 'Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.'

'What do you mean?' asked his wife.

'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in!!!

wheeler0801 · 05-02-2008, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mywifeknowseverythin

Guiness World Record For Largest Breast Implants Is Held By..

World's Biggest Breast Implants, Augmentation The Guiness World Record for largest augmented breasts is held by model, stripper, and adult film star Maxi Mounds, whose measurements are 42M-26-36 and whose breasts weight 20 pounds each. Maxi Mounds has an under breast measurement of 36 inches (91.44 cm) and an around chest-over-nipple measurement of 60.5 in (153.67 cm). Maxi’s breasts were augmented with string breast implants (polypropylene breast implants), which are implants that continue to grow after being implanted in the patient. Typically used by women who want to grow their breasts to a monstrous size, the implants are made of polypropylene which is a synthetic material that expands upon absorbing fluid in the body. String breast implants are typically used only by women in the adult industry and are not FDA approved and not available in the United States.

...She must have serious back problems....stupid girl.