THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti- constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
__________________ If you have more than 3 Wheels...Your Driving a Golf Cart
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together
# 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are
a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys
and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,
and doing the Oprah diet... Nancy-pants.
# 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaminghomo. A cat is like a
dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog...
'Killer, come here! I said get your ass overhere, Killer!' Now
think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!'
Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so queer.
# 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and
undeniably a fag.
# 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
# 5. If you drink coffee from a straw or anything other than regular
coffee, you're as queer as a $3 bill. A straight man will never be
heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte
to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
# 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four
different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might
as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have
memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can
pick out chartreuse or you know what a'fressier' is, you're gay. And
if you can name ANY type of textile otherthan cotton or denim, you
are faggadocious.
# 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the
wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest
of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a
hamburger, or hold his beer.
# 8. If you would not send this info to all the guys on your email list
because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are
definitely on the verge on being afudgepacker.
#9 IF ANY OF THIS OFFENDS YOU........ YOURE A FAG
__________________ If you have more than 3 Wheels...Your Driving a Golf Cart
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together
This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde
behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is stunned that such a hottie would be waving to him, and although
familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of
one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful,
"Christ!" he says "are you that stripper at my bachelor party that I had on the pool table in front of all my friends, while your partner whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my bum?"
"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"
Three women; one engaged, one married and one a mistress are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night, all three will wear a leather bodice (S&M style), stilettos and a mask over their eyes.
After a few days, they meet again. The engaged girlfriend said, "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. He looked at me and said: 'You are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we made love all night long."
The mistress said, "Me too; the other night, I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he did not say anything.....but we had wild sex all night."
The married one said, "The other night, I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s. I got myself ready; leather bodice, super stilettos and a mask over my eyes. My husband came back from work, opened the door and said: 'Alright, Batman, what's for dinner?' "
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Re: A little Adult Humor 
that would be awesome!
Wheeler 
Linear Mode
