There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived?"
"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears. "What's the matter?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies?”.....
....stupid girl, they make all of us blondes look completely stupid.
A widowed lady was sunbathing on a beach at Ft. Myers, Florida.
She looked up and noticed that a gentleman her age had walked up,
placed his blanket on the sand next to hers, made himself comfortable, and
began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello,
sir, how are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and
turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is
very lonely" she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Cape Coral," he answered, and again resumed
reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted.
"Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to
her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her
life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle,
she gasped and asked the man,
"How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied,
"How did you know my name was Katz?"
__________________ If you have more than 3 Wheels...Your Driving a Golf Cart
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together
At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.!
The gentleman picked the lady up, a nd they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
'Do you want to go up or down?'
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!
When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.
He again asked the lady, 'Up or down?'
There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.
This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.
She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?'
The woman replied, 'Down.'
A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, 'Up or down?'
She replied, 'Up.'
This really confused the gentleman so he asked, 'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!'
She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were F@#@ or drown.'
__________________ If you have more than 3 Wheels...Your Driving a Golf Cart
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together
a 6-year old turns to his 4-year old brother and says,
"You know what? I think it's time we start cussing."
The 4-year old nods his head in approval.
The 6-year old continues,
"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna' say something with the word, hell in it and you say something with the word, ass".
The 4-year old agrees.
When their mother walks into the kitchen and ask the 6-year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,
"Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
" WHACK! "
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor,
gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother
in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every other step.
His mom shouts,
"You just stay in your room until I tell you to come out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he says,
"but you can bet your sweet ass it won't be the Cheerios!."
__________________ If you have more than 3 Wheels...Your Driving a Golf Cart
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together
What's the definition of the bravest man in the world?
The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,fatty."
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache".
Wife replies: "I think you'll find, that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.He Asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid
$400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going,
he replies, "I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year".
__________________ If you have more than 3 Wheels...Your Driving a Golf Cart
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me?
I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need you to give him a message,"
she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered,
"there's no toilet paper, handsoap, or paper towels in the ladies room.”
__________________ If you have more than 3 Wheels...Your Driving a Golf Cart
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN DAY VERSION :
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and they all call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer! The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipi ents.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be very careful how you vote in 2008
__________________ If you have more than 3 Wheels...Your Driving a Golf Cart
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together
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Re: A little Adult Humor 
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