A little Adult Humor » Page 17 » QUADCRAZY ATV Community Forum

mywifeknowseverythin · 07-03-2008, 08:32 AM

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, ?

and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

"So what do you think about that Doc ?"

__________________________________________

The Doctor considered his question for a minute and
then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend , much like you,
who is an avid hunter and never misses a season."

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry ,
he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."

"As he neared a lake ,
he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane ,
aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."

"Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

____________________________________________

The 86-year-old said ,
"Logic" would strongly suggest ,
that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that "beaver."

The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

mywifeknowseverythin · 07-03-2008, 08:32 AM

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti- constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

yamahabansheeboy · 07-26-2008, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mywifeknowseverythin

NOW THAT IS SOME FUNNY SHIT!!!!!!!!!

Click Here · 08-02-2008, 12:00 AM

joet82 · 08-29-2008, 09:54 PM

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/a...tu/funny-6.gif

SunLrider · 08-30-2008, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joet82

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/a...tu/funny-6.gif

now that is funny

Stoopidbot1 · Yesterday, 01:16 AM

A koala was sitting on a gum tree....... smoking a joint
when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,
'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala
where they enjoyed a few joints.
After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry'
and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far
over and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and
helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard,
'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he
was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree,
got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked
into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was
sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said,
'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude.....
How much water did you drink?!!

joet82 · Yesterday, 01:18 AM

lmao that's a good one.

mywifeknowseverythin · Today, 09:17 AM

Your application to join our online dating agency has been rejected.

One of the questions on the application was:

'What do you like most in a woman?'

'My Dick' is not an appropriate answer!

mywifeknowseverythin · Today, 09:18 AM

MY TRIP TO WAL-MART....

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line
when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because
I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my
story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
the world to think of crazy things to say.