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> > BEWARE OF THE ELECTRIC FENCE > >> > >> > >> > >> Thought y'all should read this in case you're > >> thinking of installing an electric fence! > >> > >> We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few > >> months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically > >> in the entire city. > >> > >> To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric > >> fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. > >> Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply > >> had, made for 26 miles of fence. > >> > >> I then used an 8 ft. long ground round, drove 7.5 feet into > >> the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you > >> have in the ground, the better the fence works. > >> > >> One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Walmart > >> 6hp bigwheel pushmower. The hot wire is broken and laying > >> out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the > >> charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down > >> to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I > >> hadn't > >> remembered to unplug it after all. > >> > >> Now I'm standing there, I've got the running > >> lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in > >> the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size > >> of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow > >> on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I > >> notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my > >> body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the > >> lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.. > >> Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could > >> feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the > >> engine. > >> > >> It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower > >> were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. > >> > >> Science says you cannot crap, pee, and come at the same > >> time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at > >> once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than > >> half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, > >> where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back > >> and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It > >> seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it > >> was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big > >> block Chevy turning 8 grand. > >> > >> At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) > >> into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped > >> around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up > >> on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad > >> always had those POS chargers made by International or > >> whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This > >> I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now > >> accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex > >> river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm > >> going to have to just man up and take it, until the > >> lawnmower runs out of gas. > >> > >> 'darn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the > >> tank! > >> > >> Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has > >> settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of > >> big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, ######z, > >> and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God, please > >> die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the > >> rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big > >> bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from > >> its owner's right foot. > >> > >> So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% > >> humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill > >> me. God did not take me that day... he left me there > >> covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own > >> stupidity had created... > >> > >> I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire.... > >> I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower > >> was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and > >> I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where > >> I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot > >> were the wire had layed while I was on the ground still > >> holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in > >> the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. > >> Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a > >> few things. > >> > >> 1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted. > >> > >> 2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right > >> butt cheek (not the left, just the right). > >> > >> 3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not > >> smell as bad as you might think. > >> > >> 4- My left eye will not open. > >> > >> 5- My right eye will not close. > >> > >> 6- The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I > >> think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or > >> something, because it was better than new after that. > >> > >> 7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are > >> almost a foot long > >> > >> 8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while > >> thinking of the number 4 (still dont understand this?) > >> > >> That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for > >> things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I > >> always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged > >> before I mow. > >> > >> The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over > >> the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system > >> will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling > >> all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I > >> mow.

We actually received a call last week from the 809 area code. The woman said 'Hey, this is Karen . Sorry I missed you--get back to us quickly. I have something important to tell you.' Then she repeated a phone number beginning with 809 We didn't respond. Then this week, we received the following e-mail: Do Not DIAL AREA CODE 809, 284, AND 876< /U> THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION PROVIDED TO US BY AT&T. DON'T EVER DIAL AREA CODE 809 This one is being distributed all over the US . This is pretty scary, especially given the way they try to get you to call. Be sure you read this and pass it on. They get you to call by telling you that it is information about a family member who has been ill or to tell you someone has been arrested, died, or to let you know you have won a wonderful prize, etc. In each case, you are told to call the 809 number right away.. Since there are so many new area codes these days, people unknowingly return these calls. If you call from the U.S.. , you will apparently be charged $2425 per-minute. Or, you'll get a long recorded message. The point is, they will try to keep you on the phone as long as possible to increase the charges. WHY IT WORKS: The 809 area code is located in the Dominican Republic. The charges afterward can become a real nightmare. That's because you did actually make the call. If you complain, both your local phone company and your long distance carrier will not want to get involved and will most likely tell you that they are simply providing the billing for the foreign company. You'll end up dealing with a foreign company that argues they have done nothing wrong. Please forward this entire message to your friend s, family and colleagues to help them become aware of this scam. AT&T VERIFIES IT'S TRUE< SPAN class=Apple-converted-space> : AT&T | 809 Area Code and Other Long Distance Phone Scams SNOPES VERIFIES IT'S TRUE: http://www.snopescom/fraud/telephone/809.asp