Ligit or not...its funny

[fox300exchic]

I'm not sure if this is legitimate or not. I know this will appeal all the current and former Warranty guys, who would just love to pencil in some of these "solutions" on the service requests they get.

UPS Airlines

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high

school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly

routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,

called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the

aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs

on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next

flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked

with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had

an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

*

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S : Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

*

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

*

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

*

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

*

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

*

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

*

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

*

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

*

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

*

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

*

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

*

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

*

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

*

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel; sounds like a

midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

This past weekend in Orlando, unknown vandals spray painted several cars in a downtown parking garage, including some municipal fleet vehicles. The graffiti consisted of anti-Obama messages (except it was incorrectly spelled "Oboma") and anti-McCain slogans (misspelled as "Mccain.') They also wrote some other profound statements about girls and various deep subjects, including "How about them Gators."

Now, considering that they apparently couldn't spell their way out of a paper bag except for "How about them Gators," these guys have to be proud UF grads! Or, maybe, Penn Staters. Nah, couldn't be Penn Staters-- a can of spray paint has to many moving parts......

lbs