Quantcast
Jump to content

  • Do you own an ATV, UTV or SxS? Join our Community Forum!

    QUADCRAZY ATV Community and Forum are FREE to join! We keep our ATV, UTV, and SxS forums clean and user friendly. All first time posters in our forums will have to wait to have their content reviewed and approved. Once your first ten posts are approved, you will no longer need to go through a forum post approval process. To bypass the approval process with immediate access and a NO ADS experience in our ATV, SxS, and UTV forums, consider subsribing to a Premium Membership

A few jokes for Friday. TGIF


Recommended Posts

An overweight guy walks into a health clinic famous for being very effective in reaching your dieting goals. So he joins a 'guaranteed' program, and he is told to come to room #1 the next day.

First day, he walks through the door of room #1, and there she is, Miss Venezuela wearing nothing but a thong. And she tells him, "if you can catch me, I'm yours!". So he runs as hard as he can for 20 minutes and collapses without success. He keeps doing that for a few days until he finally catches her and has incredible sex with her.

Then he is told to move on to room #2. By now he has lost 15 pounds. Inside room #2 he finds Miss Switzerland. "if you can catch me, I'm yours!". After a few days Miss Switzerland is his.

The process goes on and After 45 pounds he is told he is ready to graduate. Room #5. He is fit. He is excited. He opens the door and he finds, Mr. Nigeria. Big, musculous and 'gifted'. "If I catch you, you are mine!".

Run Forest! Ruuuuuuun

Three guys die in a fire and go to hell. One is Canadian, one Cuban, and one Mexican.

The devil shows up, and tells them, "I'm going to give you the choice of any shield, then I'm going to whip you with my tail 3 times, If you are still standing after that, you can go to heaven"

So the Canadian goes first, he wants a titanium shield reinforced with a layer of stainless steel and fire retardant. He grabs the shield. The devil comes up, whips him once and the Canadian is thrown 10 feet and falls down.

"To Hell !! " says the devil.

The Cuban goes next. He wants no shield. "No Shield??" says the devil. No shield. So the devil comes up and whips him once, shhhaaaaazzz !!!. Nothing. Twice, shaaaazzzz. Nothing. Then the devil takes a few steps back, splits his tail into two, and double whips him. shaaaazzz shaaaazzz. Nothing. The cuban is in pain, but still standing. The devil says "Damn you man, I'm impressed, I guess you can go to heaven.

Then he turns to the Mexican and asks "What will you shield be ??"

"The Cuban !!!"

A golf pro caught up with a threesome and asked if he could join them for the rest of the round. The guys agreed under one condition: that he would let them know what they were doing wrong. He agreed.

The first golfer told the pro that he had a bad slice. The pro told him to hit and he would analyze his swing. He proceeded to hit a major slice. He turned to the pro for advice and the pro informed him it was his LOFT.

The second golfer informed the pro that he had the opposite problem; a bad hook. He got on the tee and proceeded to hit this ugly duck hook. Looking to the pro for advise, he got the same advice as his friend. "It's your LOFT."

The third golfer, who was a big, burly guy, said that he really struggled with this part of the game. He took a big, aggressive swing and almost missed the ball. He topped it and it rolled about 100 yards down the middle. Looking to the pro for advice, he was told, it too, was his LOFT.

Finally, the first golfer turned to the pro: "What the hell's going on. I sliced the ball. He hooked it. And he topped it...And you said it was our LOFT, how can that be?"

The pro looked at the golfers and said, "LOFT stands for Lack Of F***ing Talent!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 years later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Similar Forum Topics

    • By Mhatayas
      So here where I live in Newfoundland Canada, they let you drive your bike on the road provided it’s registered and insured same goes for crossing highways but on trails you don’t need to be insured. And I don’t even think you need a full license to insure your bike they said it was up to the insurance company. I’m trying to get my old 1985 Suzuki 250 registered they have to do a search for it to make sure it hasn’t been in anyone else’s name first. Hopefully it comes back clean I am pretty excited 
    • By Mikey69
      Heres my story. Kinda long. I guess I was a late bloomer when it comes to quads. I had never ridden a quad in my life. Rode Dirt Bikes as a kid growing up. Back in Oct of '06 I found a Mustang on craigslist. Took it for a test drive one morning before work. Fast car. 351 Cleveland. I had planned on meeting the guy again after work. For some strange reason thats still to this day beyond me, I stopped in Hillsboro MotoSports on the way home from work. I had 6 Grand on me. There was a left over '05 sitting by the front door. It was on sale for $4999. It was $5499 OTD. I didnt even look at anything else. I knew nothing about quads accept I thought it really looked coool and I had the money in my pocket to buy it. I was sitting on it when the salesman walked up and asked... "Can I help you?" Without hestitation I pulled 60 Ben Franklins outta my front pocket and said "I want this Quad. Load it up in my truck." It was just about dark by the time I drove away from the shop. BTW, I didnt bother to ask my ol lady if I could buy it. LOL. Anyway, I took it by the house and showed her. She was kinda stunned but not mad. We drove over to a friend of mines house and unloaded it. I took it to the field across the street from his house. HOLY CHIT!!!!! I was surprised by the power. I had it for about 2 weeks and took it to Sand Lake. I was there a few hours and rolled it on a banked turn at the top of the bowl right before you get to the one-ways. When it rolled, I flew off and landed on my belly. The quad came bouncing and landed on my back. For a month I couldnt even walk. I was scared of it. I considered trading it for a 250EX. Went back to the shop. The salesman said..."Dude!!! You dont want a 250EX!!! Trust me. Just get used to it" I still wasnt convinced. I put it on craigslist for $4000. Calls were coming in. I had a guy that wanted to come look at it that evening. I decided to take it for one last ride at Browns Camp before I sold it. I was still afraid of it. After about 5 minutes I started feeling comfortable on it again. I decided right then, I loved my Honda 450 and would learn how to ride it instead of selling it. That was late Nov of '06. Work was slow for a Painter in Oregon. My new job everyday? Going to Browns Camp and ridding my Quad. I bought my Girl Friend an '02 Blaster. I rode my 450 for 4-6 hours almost every single day for 3 months. And yes, I know my way around Browns Camp pretty well. LOL. In March I bought her an '06 TRX250EX (Thank God I didnt trade my 450 for one of those) LOL Since then, I have become totally addicted to quads. I love them. Couldnt imagine not owning at least one quad. Luckily I have two. My "07 was $6500 OTD in July of '07. Bought it for my Girlfriend. Traded in her 250 EX. A month later we broke up. So, I wound up with two Honda 450's.
       
    • By p5200
      I've been using Valvolene 10w 40 ATV oil but, it's like $8.00 a quart. Is that about the going rate? Or is there cheaper alternatives that would be suitable? Thanks
    • By Gwbarm
      Im finishing up on the Big Bear, just tying up some loose ends and its done.
      My next project I actually bought first, but the Big Bear seemed like it was more challenging so tackled it first. Now looking the Eiger over im not so Sure.
      I bought this Suzuki Eiger, almost a year ago, rear wheels locked up, but it ran fairly well. It was so bad that it took 3 Big Guys to get it on my trailer. All the parts were there it ran. He wanted 600.00 and I offered him 400.00. a plus it had the original Kei Hin carb on it.
       
       

       

      You might ask, why would you want something so ugly, it is often referred to as the ugly sister to the King Quad. I actually like the Eiger I have this one and also a 2007. I have riden them before, they are strong a true beast, I am a fairly Big Guy 6' 3" 195 pds, and it fits me good, but what I really like is the wide foot print and low center of gravity , not so easy to turn over.
      So I get it home and I don't have 3 big guys to help me get it off my trailer, but I do have a John Deere, hooked it up and drug it off the trailer,an afterthought I should have used a couple of furniture moving dolly's under the rear wheels, oh well. Maybe I didn't ruin the already stuck rear end or transmission I was sure which, I was fairly sure it wasn't locked brake drums, after all that they should have popped free.
       This is what I have done so far. It's off the trailer I took the drive shaft bolts loose, they were tight, had to get a 3 foot cheater, I thought they were going to break. Got them out and now I can roll it around. I checked the shifter, this is a manual shift Eiger LTF400F. Foot shifter moved didn't seem to be going to any gear, but it was hard to tell, the shifter on the tank which has Low, High, and Reverse did not move. I took it apart and oiled it up good still wouldn't move. Thought the cable was stuck so I unhooked it from the linkage and cable moved freely. Looked at the linkage closely and it was stuck. I tapped it lightly, very lightly , with small hammer and it freed up kind of, but still stiff. I could tell this side cover had been off before and put back very sloppily. This is kind of where i left off except the plastics are all off, you might have seen me working on them in another post. Nothing I have done so far has helped, my next step was to take the side cover off the engine to see what's going on in there, but installing my Granite counter top, numerous honeydews, and the big bear kind of slowed down my progress. I did determine that it wasn't the rear end, that's actually what I thought it was going to be. If anyone has any ideas, they would be appreciated.  
       
    • ATV Service Manuals
    • By Gunny
      Hope you enjoy the video ....
       
       
       
      ...
       
       
  • Similar Tagged Forum Content

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...