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Yesterday I was buying a 2 large bags of Purina dog
chow at Wal-Mart, for
my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was
about to check out when a
woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told
her that no, I didn't have
a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet
again, although I probably
shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last
time. On the bright side
though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs
in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet
and that the way that it
works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets
and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so
I was going to try it again. (I have to mention
here that practically everyone in
the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive
care because the dog food
had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in
the middle of the
parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a
heart attack, he was
laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
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