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The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2008 !!?

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The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2008 !!?


It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the

flight attendant asked John, seated in front. ?'What are my choices?'

John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.


A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened

his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I

need to see your ticket, not your stub.'


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but

she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, '

Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're



The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for

speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the

officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without

a ticket.


A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that

read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front

of him and hi s truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to

the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The

truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'


A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class,

I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might

consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a

death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A

smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter

sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,

shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the

exam with your other hand.'


A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy

with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,

fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband

replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.?

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