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A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment".

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".

He never heard the shot............

But wait, there's more......

Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her

husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join

him in death.

Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she

took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to

shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in

the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a

vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her

doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location.

Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is

just below your left breast. Why do you ask?"

Mildred hung-up without answering. Later that night

Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot

wound to her knee.

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