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01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released

first.

03. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 p.m. if you want to.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who

walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally

beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the

national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they

can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to

manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your

convenience.

Good Advice :

remember, never, ever, ever, under any circumstances,

take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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