mywifeknowseverythin

Who all is in for this????? Come on you ARMCHAIR RACERS!!!!!! Hey Chopper....Lets Start a NEW thread for this Ride....Might Attract more people....

DUDE!!!!!!!! You Didnt Check my Daily Planner!!!!!!!!!!! Im in Oregon the WHOLE Week Before!@!#!%%!#@#!%#@%!%#! If I can Get all the Sand out of my Crack by that Next Weekend Ill Drive the 7 Hrs to meet ya..... Remember to Bring this in your Gear Bag.....LMFAO!!!!! You will need it if your Following me

WD-40 Works the Same way.....I Spray Down my rides every time I go to the Dunes....Keeps the Rust away,,,,That Salt Air will Play havoc if you dont ....

One day, at a bus there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®. Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®. Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth,and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I s lept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Sandra , have you ever had any contact with a male organ? The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, "Reva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her as* in it."

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex

How Much HORSEPOWER can I have and still go the Heaven ?

A dangerous new virus is going around. It is called the Worm Overload Recreation Killer (WORK). You can get WORK from your boss or colleagues. Do not touch it. This virus will wipe out your private life If you come into contact with WORK, there are "Two Antidotes" availible You can purchase: Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) or Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). They're available at your local grocery store. Take repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated. It may be necessary to keep EXTRA (WINE or (BEER) on hand this virus has a bad habbit of returning over & over So be prepared

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. And furthermore .. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN." 2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE." 3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE." 4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY." 5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION." 6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED." 7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED" 8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED." 9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE." 10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED." 11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR." 12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER." HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY." 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN." 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." 4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION." 5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS." 6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL." 7. He does not act like a "TOTAL AS*" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION." 8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY." 9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED." 10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED." 11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep > and > a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that > they were stranded on a deserted island. > > After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal > companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. > > One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus > clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. > > As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the > lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. > > But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the > man took his arm from around the sheep. > > After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but > there was no more cuddling > > A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. > > The only survivor was Hillary Clinton. > > That evening, the man introduced Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It > was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle > breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to > get "those feelings" again... > > He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned > over to Hillary, cautiously and whispered in her ear... > > "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?

THE POSTMAN It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words, " he said, "but what's the dollar for?" Well, " she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "F@#@ him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Experience and treachery will beat youth and enthusiasm every time!! Or One of my Favorites.... MWKE Looking over at Kidatvs.... "I'm sorry, I thought you could ride." He He He He !!!!!!

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came to see him. "How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says "One". The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65". The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?" The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook, then I sold him a medium fishhook, then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition." The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK? Is that right ? " The kid answered, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot; you might as well go fishing.'

Owie!!!Owie!!!!Owie!!!!!

Daddys Trucks???? LOL!!!! [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6gpB_Trvo8]YouTube - The Truck Got Stuck[/ame]

http://s90.photobucket.com/albums/k240/rugbug40/?action=view&current=CrazyFrog.flv LMFAO!!!

Thanks Everyone!!!! My Mom called me today and said he is Home now and Back to his Usual Duties....Taking Naps....LMAO!!!!

Tell me what you See Sco0tt.....LMAO!!!!!!!!

Hello?????!!!!!! LMAO!!!!! Your on top of Chit arent you!!!

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder."

Interesting.....

I had to Go out of town Wed. Night to be with my Family for my Dads Surgery....He is Recovering Nicely after Removing a Football Size 2 LB Cancerous Tumor and his Left Kidney..He will be Getting out of the ICU today sometime...What was supposed to be a Very Routine Surgery Became complicated after they opened him up...Apparently Not one of these Docs. in their Combined 70+ Yrs of Service had ever Seen a Tumor That large..It was large enough that Almost all of the Kaiser Med. Field was Checking it out Post Op.. Sooooo,,,,Im Back,,,,What the Hell did I miss???? Anything?????