mywifeknowseverythin

LESSON 1 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. LESSON 2 A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized, "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Moral Of The Story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. LESSON 3 A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!", says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. ''Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral Of The Story: Always let your boss have the first say. LESSON 4 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral Of The Story:To be sitting & doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up. LESSON 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral Of The Story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there! LESSON 6 A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. MORAL OF THE STORY: 1. Not everyone who ***** on you is your enemy 2. Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend 3. And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now the man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...'' "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat" After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it,"said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look" "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh ...equipment? " "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long." Mrs. Smith fainted.

I'm Stumped

Sooooo,,,,,Another Worthless Thread....Did you ever End up getting a GPS??? Or was this just a Vehicle to Catch Admin with my Post count???

If you are really interested in riding Ill hook you up with my LV Connection....Ive never actually met him in person but have been Chating with him on our Site for over a yr now and he loves to ride...He made a Few CA rides with my Riding Buddies down in South CA....Very Cool Cat...However,,,,He rides on 3:wink: and might Convert ya

For some reason that link keeps kicking me off the internet:eek:

WELL!!!!! What did you end up doing....?????

Pay it and let us all know:wink:

I know that everything is Built on the Assembly line but man....Makes you wonder how many people Screw up their Jobs and it isnt caught until it is a Warranty Issue....

How YOU doin'?

one Extra Wheel!!

They were Sad

Well that just Pisses me off!!!!! There are 8 people within Riding Distance in CA and As of yet ,,,,, I havent heard them sound off!!!! 2 are within 50 miles of me!!!! and 1 is in one of my work Districts and I probably Supply him Water and dont even know it:twitsy:

No,,,But I would like to figure out how to Register a "Live Axle" Trike for the Street:biggrin:

Hey Crusy!!!!! If your not doing anything next weekend.....Ill be up in your neck of the Woods helping out with this......

<embed src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/482462/dangerous_dog.swf" width="400" height="345" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br/><font size="1"> <a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/482462/dangerous_dog/">The Hole - video powered by Metacafe</a></font>

<embed src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/482462/dangerous_dog.swf" width="400" height="345" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/482462/dangerous_dog/">Dangerous Dog</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The funniest home videos are here</a></font>

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5fe_1176635740

Yeah,,,,Ive seen that before....Not a Bad looking machine....I would buy one...... I dont know if you guys have ever seen this..... One of the Guys over on our web Site that lives in San Fran is a Lawyer and Found all the loop Holes in the DMV and CHP to get this done...... http://www.streetlegalatv.com/

I dont know how to do all that Stuff......

I found your other thread and Merged it with this one....I just didnt see any sence haveing two of the same threads.....

By the Time your Done buying all that stuff you could have spent and Extra 20 Bucks and just bought some Ramps:wacko: Hope you see this in Time... ' http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/atv-loading-ramps_W0QQitemZ190100696358QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item190100696358

Well,,,,That would Explain why it looked Familiar to me:wacko:

It hasnt Been Fired since the Pismo Ride.....My Wife doesnt Ride unless we are Camping....Funny you should ask though....I did put it on the Trailer this morning and took it back to the Shop for its First Service....We only put 45 miles on it So Far....

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" and "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart-arse student turned in the following book report with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. Titanic:.... . $29.99 Clinton:.... . $29.99 Titanic:.... . Over 3 hours to read. Clinton:.... . Over 3 hours to read. Titanic:.... . The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and ensuing catastrophe. Clinton:.... . The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and ensuing catastrophe. Titanic:.... . Jack is a starving artist. Clinton:.... . Bill is a bull#### artist. Titanic:.... . In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton:.... . Ditto for Bill. Titanic:.... . During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton:.... . Ditto for Monica. Titanic:.... . Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton:.... . Let's not go there. Titanic:.... . Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton:.... . Monica is forced to return her gifts. Titanic:.... . Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton:.... . Clinton doesn't remember Jack. Titanic:.... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton:.... . Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either. Titanic:.... . Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton:.... . Bill goes home to Hillary which is basically the same thing.