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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take

it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it

out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd

forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying


I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn


Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing

number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found

that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up

with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!"

and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to

it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when

I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're

an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'

calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,

this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if

you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an

asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking

spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had

patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been

waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"

sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I

had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW

asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is."

I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a

yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen."

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too .

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole" (but I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are

you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He screamed, "Stop calling me." I said, "Make me.

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow

rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start

saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole."

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass."

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over

right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I

lived at 34 Oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there

to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going

down in Oak tree Blvd in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there

just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in

front of six cop cars, surrounded by a news crew and an overhead

news helicopter.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

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That is hilarious. I'll have to remember this next time I get a wrong number.

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