mywifeknowseverythin

Ponderisms

17 posts in this topic

Ponderisms

1.? I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2.? Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable?plant is to pull on it.? If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

3.? The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

4.? Never take life seriously.? Nobody gets out alive anyway.

5.? There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick? and the dead.

6.? Life is sexually transmitted.

7.? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8.? The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

9.? Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

10.? Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

11.? Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

12.? All of us could take a lesson from the weather. ?It pays no attention to criticism.

13.? In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird.? Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

14.? How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

15.? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

16.? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

17.? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

18.? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

19.? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

20.? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

21.? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

22.? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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If walmart is open 24 hrs.......why are there locks on the doors?

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Why do we drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why do people order a large meal from Mc Donalds and a diet coke?

Why do people put useless junk in the garage that isnt worth anything and park thousand dollar cars in the driveway?

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brain_scratching_head_lg_wht.gif

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

What hair colour do they put on the driver’s licences of bald men?

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

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Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best

friends, if they're okay, then it's you

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If your driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

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If your driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

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We dont have any vehicle that could travel at the speed of light yet

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The name ring is an atavism from when contests were fought in a roughly drawn circle on the ground. The name ring continued with the Jack Broughton rules in 1743, which specifed a small circle in the centre of the fight area where the boxers met at the start of each round. The first square ring was introduced by the Pugilistic Society in 1838. That ring was specified as 24 feet (7.3 m) square and bound by two ropes. For these and other reasons, the boxing ring is commonly referred to as the "square circle."

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Copied and pasted

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The name ring is an atavism from when contests were fought in a roughly drawn circle on the ground. The name ring continued with the Jack Broughton rules in 1743, which specifed a small circle in the centre of the fight area where the boxers met at the start of each round. The first square ring was introduced by the Pugilistic Society in 1838. That ring was specified as 24 feet (7.3 m) square and bound by two ropes. For these and other reasons, the boxing ring is commonly referred to as the "square circle."

thanks wiki-mario

i will be able to sleep tonight... LOL

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Lol

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Why do you say lol? Now your gonna tell us that you acually wrote that out?

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I was lol-ing at "wiki-mario" sir

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Wow. You did NOT get the point.

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