Random Thoughts for the Day: OPEN THREAD FOR EVERYONE !!!

[mywifeknowseverythin]

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

[Stoopidbot1]

Dumb people are like slinkies... pretty much useless but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

[Sc0tt]

Lmao bot.

Stupidity is not a handicap

[DirtDemon]

I haven't ridden in about a month, I now know what it is like for a crackhead when you take his pipe away.

[BuckBilly]

Watch out for #1, don't step in #2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sc0tt]

Turn the condom inside out. Now its ribbed for my pleasure.

[wylde1]

If Jack was so nimble and so quick, how come he could only jump over a candlestick and the cow made it over the moon?

[DrtyGrlKristin]

My head hurts.

[outlander560]

what can Chuck Norris not do?

[DirtDemon]

Cry.

[outlander560]

no he cried because he wanted to know what it felt like

[Stoopidbot1]

I'm Chuck Norris Approved... I have the shirt to prove it.

[mywifeknowseverythin]

I tried to Google what he couldnt do and this is what I got...

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

Run, before he finds you

Try a different person

[mywifeknowseverythin]

Ok,,,,Back on Track....Gotta give you guys props.....I didnt think this thread would take off....LOL....

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

[BuckBilly]

Superman has Chuck Norris collectables! Chuck Norris peed on a semi. It Became Optimus Prime, leader of the autobots.

Edited November 21, 2009 by BuckBilly

[Stoopidbot1]

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

[wylde1]

Chuck Norris got nothing on William Shatner. Did any of you ever see T.J. Hooker?

[DirtDemon]

Chuck Norris got nothing on William Shatner. Did any of you ever see T.J. Hooker?

I don't think I would have said that, now Chuck Norris is going to find you and kick your as*. I don't think William Shatner can help you, you should just start running now.

[DirtDemon]

One time, when I couldn't get my quad to start, Chuck Norris appeared out of nowhere, peed in my gas tank and bi***-slapped my quad causing it to start immediately, he didn't even touch the kickstarter.

[outlander560]

chuck norris went to the "virgin islands" now there just called the "islands"

[DirtDemon]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

There is more where that came from Chuck Norris Facts

[mywifeknowseverythin]

There is great need for a sarcasm font

[wylde1]

but the BIG GIANT HEAD he could at least get me a cheap rate on an out of the way hotel to hide in.

[mywifeknowseverythin]

Bad decisions make good stories.

[DrtyGrlKristin]

Human jaw muscles can generate a force of 200 pounds (90.8 kilograms) on the molars.

[yamaman]

if a man said something in the woods and there is no women around to hear him.

is he still wrong?

[Stoopidbot1]

if a man said something in the woods and there is no women around to hear him.

is he still wrong?

LMAO... My wife said yes, she heard you

[yamaman]

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.

[ATVmechanic]

If you are looking for "sympathy", it's in the dictionary between "sh**" and "syphilis".

[pony]

i wish this rain would stop..