mywifeknowseverythin

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.' The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?' 'No,' the cook said.. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon. 'Oh, OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie? (I LOVE THIS ONE..........) She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up! FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!!!!!(#1 of top 10 posters from old SWR Site)

One day, long, long ago… There lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bi***. But this was a long time ago... and it was just that one day. The End

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah ) Reply to: [email protected] [ ?] Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

Now that I think about it....a Description would be better....... See what you can do with this..... Its Blown,,,,,,And is Sure Death to a Frog

Its been on my Trike for a yr....I took it off to put my other tire on for this snow trip....And well....Just dont think Ill put it back on.....Im lazy like that....LOL!!!! Its only seen the Sand.... 75 shipped Here is a picture of it on my Trike.....LOL!!!

LMAO!!!! You should know by now that Im a Well Rounded individual.... NO GIRTH JOKES!!!!!!!!!! We should start a thread......Just post 1 word or two words and see if someone cant find video of it or at least a picture....

Freakin Unbelievable!!!!!

NICE......Love the little 70's...... Anyway,,,,,, SWR Dune Clean Up 09' Will be held at the County staging area in winchester bay from 10am to 2pm on Saturday April 25th. We will have sponsors there and Give Aways.....For each back of Trash you collect and Drop off you will recieve a Ticket for the Give Away Raffle......Hope to see you there!!!!!!!!!!!

I would love to give him that advice.....But,,,,I would hate it if in fact he took it....Took off on a Ride....His neighbor Called the Cops....They came out....Gave him a Ticket for Illegal Driving of a Vehicle and No REG....They might impound the Trike as well...I dont want that over my head.... My Youngest is 7 now....He has been riding since I started him on a 50cc when he was three...At 5 we put him on a 90cc....CA law says that he cant operate that 90cc until he is 12....Nothing over 90cc until he is 16....The way he is going now he will be in the 250cc in a few yrs.... but here is the key.....Im his father....If he leaves camp....I go with him or someone I trust takes him out...If we get pulled over....Im willing to take the hit...Chances of getting pulled over are slim anyway....I know his ability and I will never let him ride beyond what I think he can do.. Some facts about bumpercarkid We know he is 14 yrs old and has a Trike.....We know his laws in a nutshell...We have no Idea how he rides, we have no idea what his neighbor sees..We really dont have any idea at all about what is going on.

Well,,,,,,,I cant see a 6 yr old getting a Title,,,But I dont know the law...Maybe your 6yr old can own a Machine...LOL!!! Love the little 70's ,,,, Ive had Several over the yrs.....what yr is it.....?????? 3sp or 4sp...Up Shift or Down Shift???? Im in Marysville CA,,,But we ride the Oregon Dunes every chance we get....We also put on the Winchester Bay Dune clean up every yr....Maybe we could meet, Ride and clean up the Beach all in one shot:yes:

Hey there!!!!!!! What part of Oregon are you from??????? We go up there ALL THE TIME....Well,,,,alot.....Headed up to Diamond Lake at the end of the month to twist on some Snow.... Welcome aboard and Enjoy your Stay!!!!!!!!!!

No,,,,go ahead and Try to Re Title it.....Its not Illegal to do that.......What sucks is you cant legally ride it.......

Thank you for pointing that out!!!!! I must have Glossed over that!!!! In this case......I can offer no Advice......there are 2 Strikes against you.... 1......Underage rider of a Trike 2.......Underage for CC's Sorry!!!!!! Ride at your own Risk......

Trikes are not Illegal to buy or Sell....Never have been...Its a popular misconception...The Big Three Back in 1987 Came to an Agreement to Discontinue Manufacturing the Trikes for 20yrs....There were Getting their ARSE's Sued off because (Mainly Parents) were saying that they were to Dangerous to ride and hurting Children....Well,,,,,What happens when you put an 8 yr old on a 250R???? Sooo,,,,The 20 yrs has been up for a few....Ive seen new Trikes....Trike Kits available now....Honda, Kaw, Suzie, and Yamaha WILL NOT be triking though...... Next time your Neighbor starts Crap.....Tell him your an Outlaw Triker and to Stand Back cause you cant predict what that Dangerous Trike will do!!! BTW......Just take the Vin# in to your local Cop Shop and have them Run it....Make sure it isnt Stolen.....Then Take it to DMV and File the proper paperwork......

Bump for the SERIOUS DUNER!!!!

Bump for the move and the Good Info:yes:

> > BEWARE OF THE ELECTRIC FENCE > >> > >> > >> > >> Thought y'all should read this in case you're > >> thinking of installing an electric fence! > >> > >> We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few > >> months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically > >> in the entire city. > >> > >> To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric > >> fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. > >> Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply > >> had, made for 26 miles of fence. > >> > >> I then used an 8 ft. long ground round, drove 7.5 feet into > >> the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you > >> have in the ground, the better the fence works. > >> > >> One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Walmart > >> 6hp bigwheel pushmower. The hot wire is broken and laying > >> out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the > >> charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down > >> to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I > >> hadn't > >> remembered to unplug it after all. > >> > >> Now I'm standing there, I've got the running > >> lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in > >> the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size > >> of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow > >> on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I > >> notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my > >> body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the > >> lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.. > >> Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could > >> feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the > >> engine. > >> > >> It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower > >> were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. > >> > >> Science says you cannot crap, pee, and come at the same > >> time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at > >> once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than > >> half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, > >> where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back > >> and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It > >> seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it > >> was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big > >> block Chevy turning 8 grand. > >> > >> At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) > >> into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped > >> around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up > >> on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad > >> always had those POS chargers made by International or > >> whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This > >> I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now > >> accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex > >> river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm > >> going to have to just man up and take it, until the > >> lawnmower runs out of gas. > >> > >> 'darn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the > >> tank! > >> > >> Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has > >> settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of > >> big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, ######z, > >> and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God, please > >> die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the > >> rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big > >> bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from > >> its owner's right foot. > >> > >> So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% > >> humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill > >> me. God did not take me that day... he left me there > >> covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own > >> stupidity had created... > >> > >> I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire.... > >> I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower > >> was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and > >> I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where > >> I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot > >> were the wire had layed while I was on the ground still > >> holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in > >> the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. > >> Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a > >> few things. > >> > >> 1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted. > >> > >> 2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right > >> butt cheek (not the left, just the right). > >> > >> 3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not > >> smell as bad as you might think. > >> > >> 4- My left eye will not open. > >> > >> 5- My right eye will not close. > >> > >> 6- The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I > >> think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or > >> something, because it was better than new after that. > >> > >> 7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are > >> almost a foot long > >> > >> 8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while > >> thinking of the number 4 (still dont understand this?) > >> > >> That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for > >> things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I > >> always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged > >> before I mow. > >> > >> The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over > >> the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system > >> will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling > >> all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I > >> mow.

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. They are also introducing the DD size for the true stereo audiophile. This has been hailed as a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Forgive me.......But I just dont get the point of this Thread..... Are all supposed to write a little story about a Ride????/ Anyway,,,,,,What were the Critters....?????? What did batteries dieing have anything to do with it...????

Hmmmmmm............ Forgive me...... Im trying to Google MUD......... WOW!!!!!!!!!!! You actually want to put your Ride in that STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry,,,,Had to do it.......You will get answers to your Questions Shortly Im sure.....

Not just Scams but these little Bits of info too..... This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology. > > GPS > A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football > match. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football > fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on > the dashboard. > > When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had > been stolen. > > > The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage > door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the > game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean up > the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents. > > MOBILE PHONE > I never thought of this....... > This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was > stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... Etc... Was stolen. > > 20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I > received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.' > > When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief > had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact > list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account. > > Moral of the lesson: > Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like > Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc.... And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through > texts, CONFIRM by calling back. Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to > confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who > text you.

Dont you know the Presidential Limo when you see it?????

Guess whos Rockin this Ride????

I dont want some BIG OL MESS BACK THERE!!!!!!! The Angle Iron is only 1 1/2.....I dont want anything to be hanging down.....Or look like a Hokie Doke going down the road.... I have an image to uphold you know:laugh:

You are somewhat correct..... Anything extending 2' from the back of the Truck needs some sort of Flag or Reflector During the Day and Night....If you cannot see the Tail lights During the day or night it MUST have Lights....Im gonna Go the Reflective Tape route and see just how far that will take me.....If they pull me over it is just a Fix it Ticket....Im only gonna use this thing once a yr so I cant see spending 75 bucks on lights at this point......